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Tuesday, November 24, 2009
"But anyways, I would definitely say that in order to get ahold of [redacted 1] (the nicest guy I've ever dated) I had to kiss a lot of frogs (like [redacted 2]!) first! You know I don't want to sound cliche or anything, but I think that [redacted 1] and I were meant to be together... again I am totally lame. Seriously though, we were best friends before we started dating. It has made for a really great relationship, because we had that foundation of a friendship first. Now don't get me wrong we have our ups and downs like every couple, but everything that we've gone through has been completely worth it. Trust me, you will find someone like that.
It's funny, cause the more you go looking for the "nice guy" the harder it is to find one. They eventually find you, and I've definitely had my share of asshole boyfriends. They suck, no questions asked. But I promise you, that you are going to find your "knight in shining armor" one of these days and all of the guys that were selfish and jerks will not even seem to matter anymore."
Context: we dated the same guy, each for about a year and a half. we both broke up with the same guy for the same reasons, essentially, and saw the same results afterwards.
Irony: I really am now dating the nicest guy in the world, the knight in shining armor. But she's no longer dating that same guy...but she's dating someone else, and he seems pretty darn nice, and she's pretty darn happy!
Point: Some relationships last forever. Many end. But for most people, it's not hard to start over again (no matter how hard an end might be). So don't be afraid to end something that isn't good.
And don't be afraid of looking back, and making those occasional trips down memory lane— but don't get caught up in them. Life is about moving forward. So (and this is more toward myself than anyone else!): let go. Put things into perspective. And look little, but never go back.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
4:35PM
Some kind of a scene skin so soft so smooth and you so beautiful you so beautiful your smile and your laughter you move with me and you move me you move me you move me under the blankets in your bedroom I’ll keep you warm my hand on your shoulders your hair in my mouth so let’s just kiss and say merry Christmas let’s go for a drive and check out the lights let’s go for a drive into this night let’s cut down a tree let’s take all the trees and put ‘em in your house hey I thought you were sleeping hey I thought you were bleeding hey I thought you were needing me hey I thought you were bleeding hey I thought we could be you and me hey I thought we could be my hand on your head and a hand in my pocket and you a lit cigarette and a bottle of wine red wine for Christmas time don’t you love this life don’t you love this life I’ll do what I can I’ll sing you to sleep and if you wake up I’ll kiss you back to sleep and every morning I’ll love you more than the night before something about Christmas makes me love you more merry Christmas for all the christmas’ we missed I know this Christmas will be the first Christmas we kiss I thought you were sleeping hey I I thought you were bleeding hey I thought you were needing me hey I thought you were bleeding hey I thought we’d be leaving together hey I thought you could help me get through this merry Christmas baby every Christmas I’ll make you happy so merry Christmas for all the christmas’s we missed this Christmas will be the first Christmas we kiss under the blankets in your bedroom my lips on your neck and you so right
Friday, August 14, 2009
7:15PM
invigorated
enthused
i know what i need to do
and i know how to do it
ready.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
...but for once I've been thinking more about the present than the future, and the present has gotten ahead of me. I need to catch up. So over the next 2 days, today is about...tomorrow.
Monday, June 8, 2009
My best friend is now dating her other best friend's ex-boyfriend, who the other best friend is still quite in love with.
Does it make me a bad best friend to feel resentment at my best friend because for all I know I may one day be the other best friend and, like with this time, she wouldn't blink?
Sunday, June 7, 2009
12:36AM
"I'm sorry that I treat you wrong. You deserve someone better, even though I love you."
I don't know what threw me on this trip down memory lane, but what a mind-blowing trip it's been.
I saw a movie tonight that threw me back into the driver's seat. Not of a car, though- something more like a hot air balloon.
When I was seventeen I was wide-eyed and mystified. I "felt the music" and made love to words and knew that I could change the world and that my boyfriend at the time and I would get married and live happily ever after.
How oddly things turn out. And how well things are turning out.
I know I said my heart is finally in check and my head's on straight and I'm boring and responsible, but I think what I forgot is that to do what I want to do with my life, I still need a little bit of that wide-eyed romanticism. I can never "grow up" completely.
Have you ever said something that made someone cry tears of happiness? Once you have, your life is honestly changed forever.
"I'm sorry that I treat you wrong. You deserve someone better, even though I love you."
I don't think I fully understood the gravity of these words until now— now that I'm treated so, so, so, SO right- now that I have a love that isn't painful but is still deep and full and, while passionate, is quiet- now that these words have been forgotten by the person that wrote them- now that I can hardly remember that person, except for one night when the salts of sarcasm and self-consciousness melted away and those tears of happiness followed.
Balloons. Colors. The future. Now.
"I want to tell stories."
He wants to tell stories.
She wants to tell stories.
We just each have to find our own way to do it.
I can do this.
I CAN do this.
I can DO this.
Life feels like a fairytale. I can do this.
Friday, June 5, 2009
12:29PM
discouraged
discouraged
discouraged
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V
encouragement!
excitement!!
pressure!!!
stress!!!!
now!
now!
now.
Monday, May 18, 2009
[here's a me, me, me for you.]
I am in a warm, loving healthy relationship with an emotionally stable, thoughtful, compatible, and incredibly fun human being.
School is going well and I am having a lot of rewarding, motivating and exciting experiences and opportunities that will hopefully help to prepare me for what's coming in a year (graduation!).
I have become a more well-rounded person, a more laid-back person, a more thoughtful person and a more convicted person.
I am still very fascinated by life and very passionate about it, but I can officially (and happily) say that I am now officially boring, happy and responsible.
I interest myself little, but the world interests me a lot.
This is where I should be right now, and this is where I am. Grounded, happy and motivated— with my heart in check and my head on straight.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
this is no drastic change.
I am just farther from what I wanted, a little bit farther, than I was months ago.
It is okay, because I know this, and I am going to fix it.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
12:43AM
Before it all started, I promised myself I would never let "me" go again, and that my career, family, and friends would super-cede 19-year-old "love."
And in the past, that's never really worked. Excitement and drama and passion kill ambition and I let the resolution slide out the window. But this time, it's worked. Oh, it's REALLY worked. And it might be becoming a problem.
Because all of your pretty words feel empty as they're spilling out— because every time you say that anxiety-inducing, blood-pumping, guilt-wrenching word (future), I wonder whether I don't really love you— or, more likely, whether I have just lost all sense and value of romanticism.
It's the second.
(It's this whole, die-tomorrow philosophy. Every single day, I feel like I am going to die. I think about all of the ways I could die. And every single time, I think about the 5 people I'd want to see first— and you just aren't one of them yet.)
Monday, January 5, 2009
1:25AM
not good enough
not good enough
not good enough
not good enough
but i'll get there.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
I'm far too honest and all too open to be a successful (and happy) journalist.
Always think with your heart, but never lose sight of what's clear in your mind.
Always be willing to try, but never confuse pain for love.
Always recognize true, unadulterated passion, but never mistake anger for romance.
Never hold on too tight when it could be wrong, but always hold tight when its right.
And sometimes, the one who seems boring and quiet and too happy to be interesting is the one with the greatest sense of adventure.
Monday, December 29, 2008
3:57PM
This is the last time I will be in this town for this long. Soon, I will be a grown-up in a few more ways.
Wow.
Friday, November 28, 2008
10:45AM
Do you ever realize months later that you romanticized an entire situation into something it never was and feel like someone slammed a brick into your stomach?
And once you discover that what used to be the norm didn't have to stay your status quo you're overwhelmed with possibility and opportunity and confusion over what that status quo should be?
All of a sudden, I have whirlwind romance and job opportunities and the chance to actually do well in my classes and an amazing group of friends and a happy family and I'm nineteen, all at once.
I'm just scared to death that I'll ruin all of this into wasted potential.
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
10:11PM
I have everything. We. Have. Everything.
Warm, supportive family. Opportunity, but not forced direction. Kind, accepting, uplifting friends. And so many chances. Chance after chance after chance.
But I blow them. Time after time after time. And you know the feeling. Even though I'm "doing OK," I'm not doing as well as I should be. As much as I should be. Not making the difference I should be making. Not making the life I should be making.
And even though our lives- both of them- are pure happiness and opportunity, there is something about the notes in a cleverly arranged piece of music or intentional misplaced punctuation in poetry that reminds us both of how close we are to failure and to nothingness.
(And the thing is, we could never love them like they love us. Not even close. The love will never be perfect, never be whole- because while they're so very full and clean we are unmistakably chipped around the edges, and there is nothing that can repair this.)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
i think this was what i needed.
i needed to get angry.
[I just thought you were so very, very different from everybody else, and maybe you are, but right now I think I'm letting you get away with less because of that. Now, all bets are off, and I am back. on. track.]
Friday, November 7, 2008
I didn't think I really loved you. Maybe I thought so, maybe I thought I was "getting there," but my skepticism kept me saying "too soon, too soon, too soon"...until this morning.
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